JLS

Casually. That’s how I met you in the first place. We were bunk mates at camp. I, at least, instantly knew there was something more than just friendship in the way we opened to one another.

Since the age of seven I know I looked forward to every summer. It wasn’t just the fun I had every year but I looked forward to seeing you again. I thought you lived somewhere completely different from me, miles and miles away.

It wasn’t until eighth grade when we both joined the same high school band. It was like those summers could be extended. Life just got so much better. Then, to make it all better, we ended up playing the same instrument.

We became inseparable. We had almost every class together every semester, every year, with few exceptions. We always made sure we had the same lunch, the same general friends.

Life could not get much better. It was like you were the sister I never had and always wanted. You had so much insight. You were the first person to read a line out of my book after I revised it from middle school. I took your advice. We went prom dress shopping together. Your first major boyfriend was my first major boyfriend’s best friend.

We went through so much together.

What happened?

When we went to Florida with the band it was like you were a totally different person.

I was waiting for you and the rest of the group exactly where I said I would be.

That was the worst semester of my life. We were supposed to go to college together. There were so many things we were supposed to do together. You started dating a guy I had never heard of. You started ignoring me. And I you.

What happened?

Did all those years really not matter to you? After all that pain, after all these years I still look for you on Facebook.

Casually. That’s how I discovered you’ve been on there for some time with a lot of the same friends as me. What should I do? Ignore all that time we spent together?

Now I have the best friend I ever could have in my Fiancé. I don’t really need you. But why do I feel like I need to be friends with you on Facebook, some internet social club?

Why do I still feel this way after all these years?

Feminine things

I’ve never been much of a girly girl. My fiancé will dispute this, no doubt, but I just don’t consider myself as a pink wearing O.M.G!! type person. HOWEVER, I have rekindled my love of wearing makeup. I wore more of it in the past few days than I had in, I would say, a year. Everyone who knows me knows I don’t wear makeup regularly. It’s only on special occasions and such. In high school I wore it quite a bit, every day in fact.

Then I also wore my boots that were, in high school, dubbed “hooker boots.” Yeah, thanks for getting me in trouble with my mom when describing them, XBF. Now other than the box toe they are still really cute and awesome to wear downtown with the girls. (Another thing I don’t normally do.)

Yes, I’m an introvert. I love reading. I love to write (although for the past week or so that has been mostly for work). I love being myself even if that means that I like having the house to myself to clean or watch TV that happened a long time ago in terms of this new fast paced age. (I mean, if I’m going to be addicted to something would you prefer the above or the alternative? That’s what I thought.)

Anyway, being this person who wears makeup and heels made me feel…girly…and I kind of liked it. So much so that I’m wearing the really cute poke-a-dot shoes with the blood read heel.

You know you want a pair.

Should I do this more often? I know I really should for my self-confidence but at the same time I don’t exactly have the funds to support this habit as of yet. Then I don’t want to be a conformist, if you will. If I wear makeup and look like all the other women around me am I still going to be who I want to be: a plain faced, no product in my hair, novel writing crazy person? Or is it that I can wear heels still without the makeup? Does that work? Geez, I’m out of the loop.

Oh, by the way! I’m a part of writersmarketplace.com now. I just have to print off sample chapters and send it to quite a few publishers and keep my fingers crossed. Then hopefully not sob when the rejection mail comes.