Happy Halloween!

Everyone has fears. What better time than Halloween to discuss them and get all worked up over images that only exist in your mind?

I have a fear of drowning. I know this is silly because I was the captain of my high school’s swim team. I’m a strong swimmer and I know almost everything there is to know about it. Like what to do when you’re caught by a rip tide: don’t struggle, swim parallel to the shore until you’re out of it and then return to the shore even if you’re a block away from where you’re family has set up shop. They’ll be more upset if you’re sucked into the depths of the great blue than you having to trudge back to where they’re waiting for you. (Yep, my idiot brother had to get rescued from one even though we had just watched a special on it in our hotel room the day before.)

This fear isn’t completely irrational. I just like to breath. I’ve had asthma and I know what it’s like to not be able to breath. The panic is not worth it.

The irrational fear that I have is associated with that same panic though. I have a fear of people not liking me. That is coupled with my personality. I have to tell people what I’m thinking right then and there because I have a horrible memory. If I don’t say it then it’s not going to get said and then it festers within me because I haven’t expressed myself.

It has ended up making some people not so happy because technology has only fueled this fire. I’ll post something on my FB or text something and then it gets misconstrued and I’m in deep water trying desperately to tread in my explanations.

It feels like I need to work hard for acceptance. It’s hard because at times I don’t feel like I’m myself. I love to be goofy. I love being a Nerdfighter, even though all of my friends have no idea what that means, even though I try to explain. They don’t care.

But are they not caring because they don’t care what I have to say, or do they really not care about what it means to be a Nerdfighter?

Am I missing something that makes me a typically functioning human being? I’m I meant to only have a very limited amount of personal friends and the rest I come to associate with because of their connections?

It’s a fear that is almost paralyzing at times. I have a wedding coming up and I vocalized last night that I was afraid that it was going to be this huge hassle and it wasn’t going to matter no matter how hard I work at it. My graduation party only had twenty people total even though I invited much, much more than that. There was extra food we didn’t know what to do with and I secretly was devastated because no one else came.

Don’t get me wrong I’m and grateful to those who did come but it wasn’t what I had in mind. I’m afraid my wedding is going to go the same exact way. I’ll invite 200 plus people and only have a sparse few come.

I just want to crawl up with a book that will not insult my feelings in anyway. I want to be away from the general public because I feel that I am simply a hindrance to the whole lot of it. Besides it only ends up hurting anyway, right? I feel like I’m drowning in a set of rules that I never got to read and I’m barely making it by because sometimes I do find the shallow end. But I always get pushed back to the deep end to struggle against the current.

I just wanted to post as a side note that I had difficulty writing this and advertising publically that i was up like I normally do because I don't like superficial attention. It only makes it worse right? I want everyone to be happy and if they;re cumforting me then i'm making them sad. Yes, irrational I get it.

What is really going on?

OMG! So tired!

I, Heather, spent the great majority of Monday evening in the hospital. I’m better now (in comparison) still can’t eat solid-like foods but I’m getting there. Applesauce is my friend.

So, I was catching up on the new sarcaschicks videos. This week’s topic is Occupy Wall Street. Bryarly’s  video (her page) had a response about how it was amazing that Americans don’t have public healthcare and I thought it would be a good topic for today.

As my friends and family know I have been trying desperately to save my pennies so I can actually get married in May. Well, just as soon as I got to the point that I could pay the first payment on my venue, I became ill. And I mean as ill as you could get without knowing why or where it came from. (I will spare you the details.)

Long story short, I went through a 1 liter saline IV in about 45 minutes (I normally have 3 liters of water in a day) while I was there along with a syringe of anti-nausea medication that I ironically got in pill form later.

Total cost for this lovely evening? $265.

Yes, I know that it could have been worse and I know there are people out there without insurance and in a worse off state than I have ever been in. In fact my future sister-in-law is in that kind of situation right now.

My monthly payment to my health insurance since I got my current position has not been horrible. Heck, I used to pay $330 a month only three years ago before I moved to my previous health insurance that would charge me for every single thing that I had done including doctor’s appointments that I had already paid copay for. In other words TG for my job now. J

This overabundance of healthcare spending caused me to slack off in going to the doctor for an illness that I FINALLY found out could have potentially killed me if I had kept on the same path I was.

I am not the only one.

Thousands of people every day are in in the same boat. “Do I go to the doctor or pay my rent?” “Do I take care of my health or feed my children today?”

The Japanese have seen a tremendous rise in overall health in their country simply because they have public healthcare. No one is afraid of going because of the bills.

However, there is a consensus that the people who are contributing to society in ways of having a job should not have to pay for those who don’t. What is welfare? Should that hamster wheel continue then?

What do you think? (Comment below)

If we would focus more on overall health of our citizens maybe the overall health of our economy would improve. And maybe we would be able to think a little better in the decisions we as a country need to make. (I certainly could not think straight yesterday because I was, and still am, exhausted and worried if my fiancé and I would be able to have the simple wedding we want.)

Witnesses (Part 5)

When I woke, I thought there was an earthquake. Panic exuded from my core to every inch of my body as the walls vibrated around us. Jean was gripping my arm tightly but I didn’t notice the lack of circulation.

My eyes scanned the dark room for something that would harm us in the quake. In the corner opposite us were Midian and Milas as calm as the last time I had seen them. They were huddled like my wife and I but they were passively staring expectantly at the center of the floor.

“Can you do anything?” I whispered at them.

Milas shook his head, pointing at the spot his eyes were still fixed to. Not wanting to believe that the answer was in an obviously otherwise empty room I looked to where his finger indicated.

Just when I was about to ask what was going on, a crack started in the center where Milas had pointed. It grew until there was a small gorge separating us from them.

A male auburn head popped up from the gorge and surveyed the damage. “Eh, not what I wanted but I can work on it.” It was distinctly a British accent. He spotted Midian and Milas who had stood like they were receiving a friend who had walked into a room normally. Jean and I kept exchanging gawking glances as we tried to make sure we were seeing what we thought we were seeing.

His clothes were unsoiled. I knew they were exchanging thoughts silently as they quickly shook hands.

Then another head, female this time, emerged. Brushing dirt from her arms and legs, she made her way to our side of the cell. Her golden locks were still glimmering in the dim light and despite the earth that littered them. Smudges on her face made her look like a coal miner. “Hi,” she whispered with a warm American accent when she knew we could hear her, “I’m Fiona. That’s Nathanial. We’re going to get you out of here.”

“H-” I started to ask but she held up her hand.

“Certainly Milas told you enough for you to believe that we will get you out of here alive. Get in the hole and start walking we will be down in a moment.”

Jean quickly obeyed but I couldn’t help but hesitate. “But,” again, she cut me off.

“We’ll take care of everything.”

“We will have to leave Midian and Milas,” Nathaniel said forlornly. “There’s no way you’ll be able to wipe that out of their minds. Just take care of these two and we’ll get out of the way.” A tear fell from the corner of his eye as he formed the phrases. His voice barely shook, almost inaudibly.

Fiona leapt the span of the gorge without any effort. I would have ended up with a broken leg in the middle. She grabbed Midian’s hand. Every few milliseconds she shook her head as they looked into each other’s eyes more tears formed silently. But the end of their exchange Fiona had her wrapped tightly in her arms. She let her go and nodded in understanding.

Nathaniel, just as gracefully as Fiona, crossed the crevasse and motioned me to follow my wife into the hole. I obeyed and could not take my eyes off of Milas who was then hugging Fiona.

The twins sat back on the floor to wait for us to leave. Fiona however stood perfectly still beside them, a goddess statue in such a bleak place. Her eyes were closed. Then without much signal, her eyes popped open and she jumped in right beside me. “We don’t have much time. There’s going to be a guard coming down the hall here in a few seconds. If we’re not gone it won’t stick.” She pushed me forward, urging me to run. “Stop worrying, they don’t know you exist anymore. Just get far enough down. Nathaniel will need some room.”

As we ran, Jean’s laden breath flowing back to my ears, the vibration started again and the dull light was suddenly no longer guiding us. I wanted to stop in the blackness, but Jean kept pushing me forward. I didn’t know the difference between the walls or the floor.

Nathaniel’s voice called with a strain from where we had just come, “Oh, give them some light, Fi.”

A brilliant, blinding orb floated above my head and took off down the tunnel. Jean’s head lifted to focus on it. She tripped on a stone that rose against the smooth tunnel and fell flat on her face. I stopped to help her up so we could continue our sprint down the who-knows-how-long path. But when I looked back to see how close Fiona was to my heels I noticed she was a few yards down looking back for Nathaniel whom I could not locate. She looked back to Jean and me. Tears were streaming down her face faster than I had thought possible before that moment.

“They are going to die. They’re going to die because you could not help but be curious. You couldn’t just think what you saw was a trick of the desert, a bird, something that was not worth your time.”

Pain split through my head. Through my squinting against it I saw Jean was also holding her head.

“FIONA!” A thunderous roar made the pain stop. “What would they think if you killed them?” He had come up behind her. His voice had all the authority of a superior. Her eyes were still glazed with tears and rage. I don’t know where I was thinking we could go but I started scooting backward from her. Jean followed suit. “Let’s just get them home and away from this whole mess. Nadine’s not doing well with it as it is.”

The rest of the walk was silent. Fiona took the front. I was glad for this. At least I had my eye on her. We reached a dead end and Nathaniel raised his hand and opened the ceiling to reveal a star lit night. Out in the cool desert night Fiona disappeared with a nod toward Nathaniel.

“When you get home, don’t talk about this to anyone or what Fiona did will break and those people will come after you. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but I thank you in advance for your silence about us. We’re a complicated people. What we can do, human’s aren’t meant to see. Hopefully at some point, but not now.

“You’ll have to forgive Fiona. There are only so many of us and we just lost two to an admittedly stupid cause.” He paused to take a very deep breath. “Now, what I’m about to do will not make any sense but like I said just keep silent about it. You’ll be safe now. And, no, I could not have done it sooner, it takes too much energy.”

A wind picked up. It was warm and comforting. Swirls of blues and purples mixed with deep greens around us. Then in a simple blink we were standing in our kitchen.

Jean and I looked at one another. We didn’t speak. How could we? What just happened seemed like a very bad dream. Questions riddled my mind. I know they did in hers, but when she fell silent throughout our lives I know exactly what she was thinking about. That was the only proof I needed that that night actually happened.

Happy Friday, everyone! Well this is a long one but it’s the last one. YAY! Well, for me cause I'm done writing it, but let me know what you think in the comments. I can't read minds. :) Follow me if you enjoy my writing.

If you haven't started reading and you want to know where the heck these people are, you can find the beginning here, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4.

Witnesses (Part 4)

I have to appologise for the last part. I must have been in a rush to get it off. (Not a very good excuse, I know.) I fixed the typos and you can view it here for the beginning you can start reading that here. Let me know what you think in the comments and Follow me, please. Happy Thursday!

He remembered they wanted to take the longer way. Apparently they were able to transport to anywhere at any time. As soon as I formed the question why they didn’t just leave he already had the answer in my head. They did not want to cause problems with the people who were keeping us captive. If they left then they would be hunted for the rest of their existence and put the others in danger.

Milas expressed how sorry he was for including myself and Jean in this mess and if they could just fix it they would. He affirmed what Jean had said about their friends coming.

Getting bored along the way, he and his sister wanted to blow off some steam. He had suggested a cavern near the road. They hadn’t realized they were jumping as high as they were. Again, he apologized. They had thought they were completely concealed. He had not meant anything by it. It was all fun and games, and we were getting hurt because of it.

They had been pulled over at a traffic stop only hours ago and brought in because of the description I had given. It was then that I noticed the bandages around the crook of their elbows. There was no way they would be able to escape even if their friends did come.

Just then as I expressed this worry he imagined that his friends, an auburn haired man and a silver haired woman, were going to come recue my wife and me only.

I broke the grasp he had on my hand. He let me, that was the only explanation. I had seen how powerful they all were. We were going to get out of this mess. I could care less that they were going to have to stay. They were the reason we were in here in the first place.

Pushing myself back to the wall on our side of the cell, I wrapped my arms around my legs. Jean wrapped hers around my shoulders.

We just have to survive until they get here, that’s all. Then it will be all over. I’ll be back at my nice house with my beautify car in the garage. Even having my talkative wife knitting in the chair in the corner of the sitting room babbling her mouth off sounded perfect.

With no way to tell how long I stared off into their corner, I started to nod off. They weren’t doing much anyway, just looking at my wife and me with that same sorrowful face as before. I wished they would stop. Finally I gave in to sleep, not knowing what I’d wake up to next.

Heather's Strange Dream

HI! Heather here. JoBeth is working on the next part of her story. In the meantime she's asked me to keep you all company. I had a dream the other night. Actually it was a whole weekend of vivid dreams but that’s another story.

I was witnessing Darth Vader being taught by Han Solo how to drive a stick in a mall parking lot. He was driving a green jeep.

Later in the dream he had to drive this thing away from something that was attacking them in the same parking lot. He also had a device that could change the color of his suit. It changed to deep, dark purple (Not too different from the black he wears anyway, as he’s driving and swerving around this parking lot. However his helmet remained black. When I asked why, being transported into the back of the Jeep, he simply said “Oh, it didn’t work?” And took it off to reveal a purple helmet underneath.

Interpretations?

Or is it the fact that, sometimes, a dream is just a dream?